Sitting in my seat buckled up and ready to land something horrifying washed over me; What do I do now? How do I process these two worlds that tug at my heart? I mean aren't I supposed to long for the country of my birth, the country that is the picture of freedom and peace to the whole world. Why do I feel so uneasy walking streets that were once commonplace to me? Why does convenience overwhelm me with feelings of guilt? What has happened to me? All of these thoughts and more wash over me as my new home comes into view. Dirty streets, unmerciful traffic and heat, malarial mosquitos, these are the things that provide me comfort. They allow me to exhale and stretch my legs and feel at home. How is that possible?
How did my two weeks in my home country not win me over? I was romanced with fine dining, a beautiful and clean home, endless visits with friends that showered me with love and prayers. How could I feel so out of place? Now, I feel comfortable where I am alone. I struggle with this being o.k. Just two weeks ago I was longing for a break from all of this. I gladly packed my bags. I gladly dreamed of dust-free streets and air conditioning. Stores filled with all things necessary and accessible that would welcome me and fill my eyes and tummy with every desire. What person does not want this?
I guess this one.
He allowed me to see that in trying to trade or substitute His will for me I would only be lost. Nothing replaces Christ, nothing. I have surrendered my past. I have surrendered my desires. I have made Him Lord over every area of my life. He owns me. I am bought and paid for and forever will live because of Him. When my eyes and heart begin to stray and long for the things of my world He helps me remember. I remember that apart from Him all things lose their taste and appeal. Without Him I feel homeless and unsatisfied.
He is irreplaceable. His home is my home and His home is the World.
Right now, Christ and I are working hand in hand and side by side here in Musoma. Dirty feet, unbearable heat, and a language that is not my own makes me feel at home. I guess that I finally realized that nothing will ever satisfy me like Christ. I am thankful for the many years that God had me in America. The friends, family, and church were provided by Him to grow me and send me away. He knew that they would provide a strong root system that would mature me and sustain me for my next assignment. I am grateful and thankful for them and very content that living in and with Christ has become my great joy.
I have become accustomed to a similar feeling here, especially around Christmas and Easter. Perhaps best described as a longing for authenticity, a silent comfort; all the many qualities we receive from our relationship with Christ we search for here on earth (primarily finding dead ends). Cogdill's, we live vicariously through you until the day comes when we too may find a dusty road, a primitive meal, and seclusion from material pleasures, inviting and pleasing unto the Lord. Love you all, David & family
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